Sunday, July 13, 2008

Desert Storm

Earlier this week, I blogged about couples in their 70's that are having a lot more sex. A lot more sex than you and I are having, statistically speaking; you know, we the jet-setters (LOL). Today, I read about an 80 year old woman (pictured above) that strips in Las Vegas. Let me rephrase that: Back in the day, when she was younger (maybe in her 70's) she was a stripper in Vegas, and she is still stripping in Vegas today. Okay, one more time for the guy in the back that isn't getting it: There's a woman currently stripping in Las Vegas and she's 80 years old. Capiche'? Her name is Tempest Storm.

What? (Long pause. Heavy sigh). No. I'm. Not. Kidding.

"Tempest Storm is fuming. Her fingers tremble with frustration. They are aged, knotted by arthritis and speckled with purple spots under paper skin. But the manicure of orange polish is flawless and new, and matches her signature tousled mane. She brushes orange curls out of her face as she explains how she's been slighted. She is the headliner, you know. She is a star. She is classy. "I don't just get up there and rip my clothes off," she says. Indeed, the 80-year-old burlesque queen takes her clothes off very slowly."

Hey, I'm here to take, or have someone else take my hat, shorts, tank top, flip-flops and panties off, in salute to Tempest Storm's efforts. I'd like to refer to her as, Desert Storm. Why? Well, various reasons immediately come to mind. But, I won't bore you with my biblical, figurative or Freudian references.

Back to Ms. Storm. You see, I know some people that are much younger than she is, and they won't even get naked for sex unless all the lights are off and they're doing it in their own bed. I think she might snicker a bit over that tid-bit of risk taking news; B-O-R-I-N-G. Think about it, this woman gets up on stage; performs with a boa and then strips, right down to her bare waddle. That's impressive at any age.

I think Ms. Storm could have a side career as a motivational speaker; tandem to her anti-aging strip tease act. Her tag line could be: "Fuck, if I can do it, you surely can." No need to thank me. Just have Ms. Storm's agent cut me into 30% of her speaking engagement profits.

It's been a really long time since I've visited Vegas, baby. If I go, I'm going to look for Tempest Storm's act; the Desert Storm. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and meet a 70 year old. ;-)


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