Friday, November 21, 2008


Last night, my friend Steve and I made plans to meet, so we could continue working on the creation of and (both still currently under construction). I'd been using my laptop; researching the internet (m/m porn) and creating a story for most of the day, so I turned off the glowing, blue screen; packed it up and headed out the door. We were meeting at a local haunt that conveniently provided WIFI, food and beverages, of course.

He brought his laptop, and I of course was bringing mine, so we could both efficiently and systematically (he's an engineer) work on this project simultaneously. We grabbed a four-top table and stretched all our technical gear out. I ordered hot tea (It's. Cold. Here. Now) and I pulled my Daniel Boone-looking hat, cheetah-print car coat, scarf and gloves off, before firing up my computer.


"What the hell is wrong with my computer?" I asked looking at the black screen with sqiggily lines, but really directing the horrific question to the computer genius, Steve seated across from me.

"Hmmm...what do you mean?" Steve answered tenebrously (not the computer) while getting up from his seat; leaving his already working like a champ laptop and scooting around the table to my laptop rescue.

"Crash and burn." He muttered quietly.

"Hold on there Maverick, but did you just say, crash and burn?" My thoughts bubbled in my head. Then my heart started racing. My skin was hot and the room was spinning. It felt like I was going to faint, and this had nothing to do with sex or alcohol. "Holy crap, my stories! All my thoughts. The blood, the time, the sweat, the emotions. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" My eyes widened; mouth gaping open - no words were said, because my gasping for air face said it all.

Steve must have realized my silence was a call for help and stemmed from intense emotional anxiety. He must have feared a Neve break-down was looming just over the horizon, because he quickly stated, "Don't worry, we can save everything."


Then a tiny breath of air was released from my lips. "Whew." Eye's smiling in happiness and I felt my heart beat shudder as it moved into a lower gear.

This morning I called another IT genius and scheduled to have a complete body check up done for my laptop. I drove the ailing laptop patient through the snow covered roads; eager to find a cure for its illness. Fortunately, IT was able to give it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and we're both back home how, stabilized for the time being.

I'm a big believer in signs. For me, the universe continues to send me messages, or lessons that I'm suppose to learn, until I fucking get it. I've been tossing around the idea of ordering a petite, and sexy, second laptop; a mistress if you will, for months now. After last night's melt-down, I finally stopped making excuses and ordered the perfect second laptop. She's arriving in the mail sometime next week, my little, sloppy second sensation. Sshhh...don't tell computer number one though, because she's still in recovery. I don't want her to get jealous and then crash again on me.

Laptop and user are recovering in room #69 -

p.s. I may have to order the uber-cool business card holder above via Etsy.


Craig Sorensen said...

I had the horror of the dying computer a couple of years ago. Your post made me relive that moment. Well done. :-)

I'm an IT guy, but with big computers. I'm only "okay" with these little guys. A friend of mine who is much more adept at windows saved my ass. I'm pretty sure the remedy involved a sacrificed chicken in the light of the full moon.

I now have an external hard drive that I back up to every week, and of course, a new computer.

Neve Black said...

I kiss the ground you technical experts walk on, Craig. :-)

It's funny, b/c AT blogged about her dying computer this week too.

It really is awful when it happens to you - argh.

Thanks for commenting.

MilesB said...

Why do I feel like I've been infected by just reading these stories of dying or dead laptops? Excuse me, I have to go check the health of my computers now...

Neve Black said...

It's a porn-related computer crash conspiracy! :-)

p.s. My spam word is: laphe
As in Lap(top) he-he-he. Making the above seem more believable, eh?

I'm kidding!