Blooper Sex

Once again, I had the amazing luck of a story that slipped under the proverbial door of my e-mail in box today. The title was along the lines of sex that’s gone awry, or erred sex; sexual blunders.

I’m such a perfect lover (kidding) that I couldn’t think of one story to share with you about any personal sexual snafus, but I did get this telephone call from my friend one morning and we still laugh about it to this day:

“Do you have any Advil?” she desperately asked me as I picked up the phone.

“Yeah, I think so…why? Bad cramps? Sore muscles from running? Too much chitty-chitty-bang-bang last night?” I was relentless. I knew something was up.

Pause. “Well. I can’t move my neck.” She finally said.

“Huh?” What the hell happened I asked digging for an answer; I knew this was going to be good; newsworthy good.

Longer pause. “Well I saw M (first initial of Ex boyfriend) last night and well, one thing led to another and…”

“Yeah, okay. Go on….” I responded a bit too quickly. I was anxious for the low down.

“Well…uh… uh… I don’t know how to say it…” She said stammering.

“Just say it! What happened?” I said prying for a confession, feeling like Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon; therapy session sign posted up reading: The Doctor is IN; 5 cents, please.

“WE FUCKED LIKE CRAZY LAST NIGHT AND I FELL OFF THE BED AND LANDED ON MY HEAD!” She finally yelled it out; needed to cleanse her conscious of her night of wild abandonment; her hot, monkey sex, sexcapade with her recently past and re-occurring lover, M.

“Oh my!” I finally said. “I’ll be right over with the Advil and two coffees. I want all the juicy details.”

So, of course I want to hear about your most embarrassing sexual fumble, stumble, clumsy, mishap that you think about from time to time and still get a good laugh out of. Come on, give it up; tell me your story! I REALLY want to hear it. It’s not like I’m going write about it or anything (big smile).

p.s. check out the cool stuff this artist is selling at etsy; link is here.