Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Size of the Wave

“…his cock is like a churro. Do you know what I mean?” She asked me while taking another sip from her beer.

“Uh. Huh? What the hell are you talking about?” I asked her ordering two more shots of tequila from the bartender.

“It’s long and slender, from head to base; shaped just like a churro.” She said trying to explain; gesticulating with her hands while reaching for the limes and salt.

I knew exactly what she meant, but I was having way too much fun pretending that I didn’t. She kept spilling more details about her new boyfriend. How he kissed her; what he smelled like and then she talked about the sex. Hell, I had ring-side seats; wiping the sweat from my brow as she swung another punch; giving me explicit cock knowledge.

“Really? I asked licking the salt from the back of my hand; swallowing the tequila; wincing as it burned going down and I quickly biting into the lime.

“Yeah. Fuck. I really like him, but God, you know how much I like a good cock. Don’t look at me like that, Neve. You like a good cock too!”

I shrugged. Who was I to argue?

“Who else can I speak to about this?” She asked exasperated, grabbing her shot glass and knocking it back; recoiling from the taste of the potent liquor.

“Just so I’m on the same page here. Are you saying a churro cock is a bad thing?” I asked her sipping more beer.

“Well. No. It might work for someone else’s body, but I need a cock that’s more like a firm banana; thicker at the base with a slight bend to it, so it hits the good spots.” She said padding her lower abdomen and slightly smiling now, reminiscing no doubt about someone from the past’s perfect, bent banana.

“Is that right? I inquired, my left eyebrow was raised and I suddenly knew I didn’t need to write this down, because it was seared to memory and I’d write about this conversation some day; my best girlfriend’s, boyfriend’s, churro dick.

Okay all you men out there, listen up!

Women often talk about the man in their life to their girlfriends; divulging intimate information that would put the talk found in a man’s locker room to shame. Men would blush knowing the things their girlfriend’s friends know about them. I know nearly everything about most of my girlfriend’s boyfriend’s quirky, little habits, bodily functions, love making techniques, and yes I know all about the size of their churros and bananas.

We’re sworn to secrecy though; never letting on about what we know, but there is a caveat to the secrecy: We’re allowed to talk about it with our other girlfriends. So that means if you believe in the six degrees of separation theory, then the natural conclusion would be: Every woman that a man knows, or has yet to meet has carnal knowledge of his parts and pieces.

Is that shocking?

I remember telling one of my friends the story about my best girlfriend's description of her boyfriend’s “churro cock” and she confused the term; trying to describe the cock of some guy that she was dating, referring to it as a chaluppa, not a "churro." Yes. There is a difference.

I felt like I needed to run to the border and order some Taco Bell. The image was all wrong for me.

“It’s churro, not chaluppa!” I said, correcting her dick description.

“Oh. Well, I don’t know exactly what a churro is, but this guy had a cock like a chaluppa.” She said, sighing heavily into a glass of wine, needing to talk.

Ahhhhh. Let the games begin.

p.s. The magnet above can be purchased through Etsy here.

p.p.s. Comments are always welcome.

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