Friday, June 6, 2008

Are You HOT, In Bed?

I was experiencing a little technical difficulty yesterday and I wasn't able to pre-blog today's message. My apologies, readers that look forward to a new posting when you're up at 1-5 a.m. My sincere apologies.
If you didn’t immediately answer yes to the question above, don’t fret. I’ve listed the top ten best ways that should surely help you get there and then get, there (wink, wink). The list is from an article I read (I’m sure you’re dying to get on the same mailing list of my reading material, aren’t you?) and of course, I’ve read through each category and added a few of my own comments; upgrading the author’s prose:
Be Carnally Creative
This is a rather handy solution to the sleepy female/awake and erect male syndrome (huh?) Originally used as a method of birth control and to preserve virginity, "femoral intercourse" involves him thrusting his penis between your closed thighs instead of inside your vagina. It's a gentle, noninvasive way to have sex, and it keeps both of you satisfied (I don’t feel satisfied). If he places his penis near the top of your thighs so it slides in between your vaginal lips, sleepy female can rapidly turn into wide awake, horny female!
Okay. Okay. Okay. So his cock is obviously rubbing up again your now swollen clit, but how does this protect against pregnancy, again? Didn’t we all learn in sixth grade sexual education class that it takes just one of the little devils (affectionately known as sperm) swimming like salmon up the vaginal river to meet it's soul mate, the egg, "attention, attention...invader, invader, danger, alert" and then presto, pregnancy. I think I might opt for mutual hand jobs and or mutual licks and sucks. Agree? Disagree?
Give Him the Finger
Inserting a finger into your partner's rectum during a hand job, usually just before orgasm, could mean he's in for the orgasm of his life (I’m going to interject that I think you should ask before trying this). Some men worry that enjoying any sort of anal stimulation makes them homosexual, which is obviously completely untrue. But because it can be a sensitive topic, gauge his reaction by starting to play around the rim (the outside) of his anus. If he lifts his bottom toward you or shoots you a quizzical look, tell him you'd like to try something. Like the clitoris, the root of the penis extends a few inches into his body. Stimulating the perineum or anus massages that inner portion, but the true pleasure spot lies about three inches in. This is the prostate gland, nicknamed the male G-spot. To find it — and map its position for future reference — get him to lie on his back as you (gently and after using lots of lubrication) insert your index finger, with your hand palm side up, almost all the way in. Aim toward his navel, then curve your finger in a "come here" gesture.
Yep. I concur. However, in this case it’s better to ask for permission than to beg for forgiveness; especially if this is new territory for both you and your partner.
Remember That Position Counts
Not terribly confident or proficient at giving hand jobs? All too often, women try to deliver the goods in a position that feels uncomfortable or unnatural. Are you left handed or right handed? Which is your best side? Because you're allowed to move, you know! There's no need to make a big deal about it — simply roll over on top of him or straddle his lap and plant a long, slow, delicious kiss, then climb off onto the side that suits you. And don't be scared to deviate from the usual side-by-side position. Try him standing in front of you and you sitting on the edge of a bed, or him hovering above you and straddling your tummy as you lie on your back.
Use lubrication.
Slap On the Slippery Stuff
When men do their own five-finger salute (read: masturbate), they usually slap on some lubrication. Why? Well, a dry penis is a sensitive one; it likes gentle stroking, but sliding your hand up and down the shaft (the standard male masturbation technique) when it isn't lubricated can feel uncomfortable (try sandpaper, hello?) to him instead of erotic (duh?). Saliva is better than nothing, but clever girls come prepared with a tube of good-quality personal lubricant (I carry a tube in my purse at all times. A girl can never be too prepared). Don't feel remotely embarrassed squeezing some into your palm — he'll be grateful! Avoid using too much, though, as being overly generous is almost as bad as using none because it removes friction entirely.
It’s like a party, the more lube the merrier!
Introduce Him to Your Vibrator
One of you holding a wand vibrator (slim, cylindrical, nonintrusive) over the clitoral area during penetrative sex is the most effective way to ensure a shared orgasmic experience. Why don't more people do it? Because some don't like introducing something "mechanical" — and lots of men feel a tad threatened by vibrators. On occasions when his tongue, fingers or penis won't do the trick, teach him to graciously accept defeat and reach into the bedside table drawer to pull one out.
Yep. I concur. You can always use it on him too.
Build Bridges
If your goal is simultaneous orgasms, use the technique most sex therapists recommend. The basic idea is to give you clitoral stimulation almost right up to the point of orgasm — and then let his thrusting trigger the final orgasmic reflex. This effectively provides a "bridge" between clitoral stimulation and intercourse (that is, he stimulates the clitoris right up to penetration, then his thrusting takes over as your prime stimulation). Some studies show that up to half of women who couldn't previously climax through penetration alone gained that ability — without "priming" first! — after using this technique regularly.
Yep. I concur.
Deliberately Develop Orgasm Triggers
The more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more effortless it becomes. The act of smiling — actually curving your lips upward — lets your brain know you're happy, which triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone that makes you feel happy. The same applies to orgasm: The more signals of impending orgasm that your brain can recognize, the easier it will be to trigger the orgasmic response. Focus on the things you naturally do on approach to orgasm — sounds you make, how you move — then exaggerate them.
I think what the author is saying here, in layman's terms (no pun) is, it’s okay to act like Jenna Jamieson during sex. Scream, pant, moan, and let it all hang out, baby.
Stop the Clock
Women constantly ask me, "How long should it take to orgasm?" That's like asking me, "How long should a piece of string be?" (Plus, I hate the word "should"!) If you trip over your tongue just by looking at a guy and it's the first time his hands have gone south and you've just ripped each other's clothes off after a night out, you might orgasm in two minutes flat. If it's your partner of 10 years and you're tired and stressed and the kids are sleeping a few rooms away, it might take two hours. Statistics vary wildly, because this is something that's totally dependant on circumstances. Some say it takes an average of 20 minutes for a woman to orgasm; others say eight minutes of direct clitoral stimulation will do the trick. I say eight to ten minutes of direct contact sounds about right — but it totally depends on the variables.
20 minutes? I’d be lost in the sauce; literally and figurative speaking. If it takes someone that long to fucking cum, ask for some help. Ask God, the next door neighbors, call in in a life-fuck-line if you have to and then if all fails, I would have her go back to reading: Building Bridges.
Give Instructions
His sexual system is simple. It's like a connect-the-dots game. On the other hand, to say that the woman's sexual system is complicated would be like saying you only need to be pretty good at math to be a rocket scientist! If you don't show or tell him how to touch you — and I mean when, where, how hard, how fast… in as much detail as possible —
I agree, but I also think men need to step up and let women know what turns them on, besides the obvious answers: Playboy’s monthly centerfold model, or anyone from the Victoria Secret's catalog.

Understand His Motives
Men often have sex to feel wanted. (Hmm...I thought they had sex because they were hot and horny?) Granted, it's hard to accept that he's really after affection when he has one hand up your sweater and the other diving down your skirt (See. Hot. Horny). But it's true. Sex for a man appears to be his primal form of giving; it's one way for him to feel accepted both physically and emotionally. Because some men still aren't as verbose or as comfortable with expressing emotion as women are, sex tends to be used as a means of showing his love and feeling close to you. If he really wants to say "I love you," he may suggest sex. So basically, when you reject sex with him, you're not just rejecting the sex. Adopt a new philosophy: When you say no, tell him when you want to have sex instead. And always make it clear you're just saying no to sex — not to a cuddle or to a cozy chat.
What the fuck? Here’s my advice: Say what’s fucking so. If you want to have sex because you’re hot and horny, say it. If you feel like you want some love and affection and you’re also hot and horny, just say it, or ask for it. It’s not that difficult, people. Stop playing games and start saying what you mean. Even if you’re not sure what you mean, say that you’re not sure what you mean. Take the guess work out of it. It’s a lot less confusing and it will get you closer to having that hot sex and making you a hotter in bed, and isn't that we all want anyway?

Finally, good luck with these top ten recipes for making you a hotter in bed. Please, please, please send me your comments after you've implemented a few. Acutally I take that back, I want to hear from your lover, not you.

Have a great, hot and healthy weekend!


Casey Parish said...

To start off YES I want to be on that mailing list, very interesting topic on my favorite subject (of course Im a guy so...). The first idea sounds like a great way to do a little foreplay, but not a prevention to being preg, the only issue would be if she wakes up and is not horny-a guy might not like the physical results. A few of things I have tried, but I think me and my g/f plan to try most. One thing that she cannot get enough of is the vibrator+penetration. I also use a finger as direct stimulation as well, that is highly recommended, and guys should not be ashamed of making sure their woman is having an amazing time, I actually love that she loves it. You are completely right about varying times too, where you think 20mins is too long, routinely we go at it for 30-40mins, its just the way it is, and I know couples as well that are content with their lower time. Just 1 final comment about guys showing love through sex. I can kind of see where the author has a point, some guys can be like that, but I doubt its because they have a hard time expressing their feelings. No one is that traditional movie hard ass that doesn't have feelings. Either way for me I go for sex because I am hot and horny ;). Sorry for such a long post but you know it is my favorite subject.


Neve Black said...

Hi Casey,
Nice commentary. need to apologize for speaking. Everyone that reads the blog, including yours truly greatly appreciates your thoughts.

Vibrator and cock penetration is sure to please and big winner for anyone who'll give it a try.

30-40 minutes giving oral? I would highly recommend encouraging your g/f to auto arouse herself prior to getting it on with you. You could potentially be having more sessions and more orgasms in less the time, my friend.

That's spells, ooh, la, la!


Casey Parish said...

Oh god no not 30 of oral. I thought the reference was to sex in general haha. No only around 15 for fore play including oral. No I would have the most intense jaw you have ever seen if I was working for that long.


Neve Black said...

Hi Casey,
I figured as much, but I just couldn't resist teasing you a little.

Thanks for reading and sharing!