Thursday, June 5, 2008

Is Your Dick Safe?

Oops. Silly me, I meant to ask, “Is your deck safe?” I had to read the headline twice at first, but it did say deck, not dick. Hey now, it was an honest mistake. But once again, my mind wonders….

Its summertime and the living easy, well sort of. You see, it’s not exactly summer here where I live, because it’s been a bit cold. The weather report is predicting rain all week too. Well, it could be worse; it could be snowing.

What? You didn’t come to this site to hear about a weather report? Sorry. June is supposed to be considered a summer month. Kids are getting out of school, the earth is rotating closer to the sun; summer solstice, and you've finally put your winter boots and sweaters away. Come on, work with me here. More importantaly, we’re all going to be spending more time outside on our patios and dicks. Damn, Freudian fuck up. I mean decks.

Actually, I’m having a bit of fun here, but all kidding aside, just think about how dangerous an unprotected deck (insert dick here) is. The last thing anyone wants to happen while outside grilling hot dogs and hamburgers when suddenly you start getting the feeling that something just doesn't feel right. Oh know! The deck (insert dick here) you're on is about to collapse. That could instantly throw a wet blanket over your beach, blanket bingo fun, eh?

Here are a few tips to insure your outdoor, summertime, playground is fun and safe:

1. Have your deck or your dick inspected by a professional.

2. Make sure your deck or your dick is clean. Sometimes decks take a beating over the harsher months; from too much precipitation and they can obtain fungus and buildup; they need a good cleansing; powerwash, or perhaps a trip to the doctor’s office for a shot of penicillin.

3. One last important tip; be kind to your deck or dick. It needs your tender, loving care to help it maintain its healthy appearance. If you take good care of it, it will last a lifetime.

Now how nice is that? A lifetime achievement award for taking good care of your dick, or deck.

p.s. I hope you're enjoying your summer, regardless of the weather. Be sure and let someone know how much you like their, ahem, deck.

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